Ephesians 5:21-33 Marriage Relationships

Marriage Relationships

Ephesians 5:21 - 33

People have made may outstanding changes to our world. We have airplanes, cars, microwave ovens, plastics and many new inventions in our generation. Unfortunately in this age of change human relationships are not improving but seem to be getting even worse. Statistics tell us that 33% of first marriages and about 60% of second marriages are ending up in divorce. This does not reflect the many people who destroy each other by trying to live together. We want to look in the bible to see what God says about marriage. Marriage was started by God and not by our society or government. God wrote the rule book. To have an excellent marriage relationship we need to look at what God has to say.

A marriage can build up a person or it can destroy a person depending on what goes on in the relationship. Instead of coming home to a haven of peace after a hard day of work many people come home to a house of horror and drudgery.

I believe that the key to the marital relationship is found in verse 33. The husband is to love his wife and the wife must respect her husband. The husband needs to care and listen to the needs of his wife. Unless a couple learns to communicate properly the tension between them builds and the marriage could end in divorce. When this happens there is so much pain and hurt and it is very difficult to get one's life in order. There are always complications or difficulties for years after.

I know that there are time when it is very difficult to love and show respect. I we were all perfect we wouldn't have nearly the problems that we have. There is not a perfect marriage but we want to make our relationships as great as possible. No one is perfect and so we must put up with imperfection in the marriage relationship as well.

Within every person is the possibility to become a diamond which glitters and reflects light in many different colours. When we were first married take my wife's hand and look at her diamond. As you turn it different ways it would show the colours of the rainbow. Each person in different situations can show a wonderful different aspect of their life. We all know that diamonds are very hard and can take extremely high temperatures and pressures. But diamonds can crack. If they are cut right they will be a gem of beauty. Every person wants to have a gem for a mate. We are not a finished product of life but we are still Diamonds in the rough. Because we are just diamonds which have not yet been polished we should accept each other and be very forgiving. We should not use our weaknesses as an excuse for poor behaviour. We should still strive to do all we can to build each other up especially in our marriage relationship and in the family setting. In our world the forces outside the home are working to destroy people so we should be trying to build up our family members not tear them down. We tear others down by calling them names, telling them they are no good or discouraging them by saying we always expect even better things from them. We need to show love and encourage rather than hurting the feelings of our children or our spouse. Sometimes people get so angry that they hit or hurt other family members. This should never happen in a Christian home. The key to a wonderful family is love. If we would show unconditional love to others the family would grow and become an example of what families could be like in a hurting world.

Husbands are commanded to love their wives as Christ loved the church. How did Christ love the church? He gave his very life for the church. Love is willing to sacrifice our own desires for the good of other people. Selfishness is the negative trait which hinders the flow of love to our mates.

An excellent book on marriage by Ed Wheat tells of four things which should be in a marriage. We need to bless our family members. The word blessing eulogeo in the greek comes from two words eu meaning well and logeo meaning to speak well. Thus a blessing is speaking well of others. In our small groups we have been studying a different book by Gary Smalley on how to bless our family. He says there are 5 parts to blessing others: meaningful touch, a spoken message that attaches a high value to another person, a message that speaks of a special future for the individual being blessed and an active commitment to see the blessing come to pass.

We bless by loving and kind words spoken to our family members and about family members, practical helping others in small or very significant things, thoughtful and appreciative attitudes towards others and praying for our partners and children.

The second important element in a marriage is building up others. Love seeks ways in which it can help, encourage and build up another person. Husbands tend to feel that they rule their homes and demand that others naturally obey them. Instead of demanding the leadership position in the home, we need to earn respect and love from our family. We need to being quietness and loving warmth into our home. This can only happen when we are willing to give totally of ourselves and help our family in little ways which well show that we care. As husbands show real love in the family setting, the whole atmosphere of the home will change and will be the place were our families can grow and become worthwhile people. There will be a real bond of love which will grow which will bind us together.

When we are growing as a couple we are spending time together. We share our thoughts, our concerns and our time. We need to spend time listening to each other. Philippians 4:8 says we are to let our minds dwell on certain things - the whole verse goes like this, "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things." Husbands tell your wife how important she is to you. Wives tell your husbands how much you appreciate the things he is doing for you. Children, tell your parents how much they mean to you and think about how wonderful they really are. We need to tell others in our family what they mean to us and this will build our families in a wonderful way.

Touching others is important. Many years ago there were a group of young orphaned babies in a hospital but no one picked them up and held them. Many of these children died or became introverted. People learned from this experience that even babies need a lot of touch to develop properly. Children and husband and wives need to lovingly touch each other. Physical contact is absolutely essential in building the emotion of love. Many marriage relationships break down because there is not enough physical touch.

The four areas Dr. Ed Wheat says are important to a marriage are Blessing, edifying, sharing and touching. If we take the first letter of each of these words BEST we will have the best marriage if we practice all of these.

Some of you may not have a good family but God gives us another family to help us. He gives us brothers and sisters in the church to which we can go for help. God wants us not just to have close families at home but he wants us to have a close church family through which we can grow. We are to grow spiritually in our home and through our church. We are not perfect but God will help us to become more like Christ.

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July 6/95 Leamington Lao Fellowship